A classified spy document. It’s mostly still redacted, but I think the non-redacted parts should still be useful. And maybe you can magically un-redact it. Also, you can’t tell anyone who sent you this, for security reasons. In fact, you can’t tell people anyone sent this at all. If anyone asks, you found this stuck in a storm drain. Got it? I was never here.
(editor’s note: “we found this stuck in a storm drain”. Also, we weren’t sure the best way to present this document in an accessible way where everyone can get a good experience, so below are as follows: 1. The document as it appears (screenshot), 2. the document as it looks when you highlight it all, 3. the easily unredacted text.)
This is a secret spies document. Top secret. Really, you’re not allowed to look. Honestly, I’m not even supposed to look at this. In fact, I’m not looking at this even as I’m typing. Weird, yeah? I could make a typo and not know! Super weird.
Anyway, in the lawsuit, it’s super important the millennials win. This is something that I know for reasons I can’t tell you. Super secret spy reasons. The spies know many secrets, including but not limited to what all the money that wasn’t taken from the rich was used for. Terrible stuff, really. Truely, truly awful stuff..
For example, we know from a reliable source that a significant amount was spent to purchase a pomegranate. They didn’t even particularly want a pomegranate, they just got one for unknown reasons. The pomegranate then proceeded to become a monster and terrorise nearby towns and blaseball stadiums
There are many other things the spies have learned that this money was spent on, such as votes, peanuts, bets, and literally nothing. Importantly though, is that it was spent by the wrong people. The spies have another document explaining exactly who was supposed to spend the money, but didn’t. A truly tragic outcome.
Also, quite important is that we know from a reliable source that the commissioner intentionally missed the eat the rich blessing, because they would personally benefit from ignoring it. We can not confirm in what way the commissioner benefited, nor can we tell you where we got this info from. It’s top secret spies intelligence network stuff, so you can’t know, and I can’t tell you
Also, spies win, even in court. No matter the outcome of this trial, spies will have won it.