Superior Court of the Immaterial Plane.
Wild Wings Legal Team, Case Sports
(Three figures in hooded orange robes and Chicken masks address the camera.)
CHIPOTLE: Is this thing on…Yes there’s the little red light. Um…so we are here to give evidence.
GARLIC: You should say who we are.
CHIPOTLE: Good point. I am known as Chipotle, I am the Occulinary Sous Chef of the Gastronomic Conjury Guild. The Executive Occulinary Chef, BUFFALO is unavailable. Because he’s trapped in a battle with a Fried Mushroom Spirit.
GARLIC: I am Garlic, and I’m a Senior Sauceror with the GCG.
MEDIUM: I’m Medium, and my position with the GCG is um…well I’m a medium, and a line cook.
CHIPOTLE: Garlic, why don’t you give just a little background on what the GCG is and what evidence we are presenting?
GARLIC: Right, so the Mexico City Wild Wings’ General Manager is a being known as Guy Flieri, but he’s not a being that exists in within conventional space time, or even whatever passes for that in the Immaterial Plane. So the Gastronomic Conjury Guild exists to interpret the sauce stains he leaves behind, which are his way of communicating. And also to cook the concessions for Wild Wings home games.
CHIPOTLE: The Wild Wings part of the lawsuit is of course in the hands of the WIld Wing’s famous Legal Team, but Guy Flieri did feel, in his role as general manager that he should make a statement. Garlic, please proceed
GARLIC: We found a sauce stain of an Ancho Chile and Peach sauce. The unusual combination may suggest Flieri speaking in area he doesn’t understand well. Oh and on Case Sport’s recommendation we would like to mention that the General Manager is not used to formal proceedings and we are merely reporting what he said. So without further ado, take it away Medium!
MEDIUM SPEAKING AS GUY FLIERI: “Welcome Back to the Bucket! I am Guy Flieri! Today I am here to address a matter in the High and Mighty Sunbeams Court. Blaseball players voted to Eat the Rich but the eating hasn’t happened. What’s going on? Did you just forget? Did you figure that since the Big old Calamari ate the Peanut that that decree was no longer in force?
That’s no way to run a railroad, or a splorts league! The players voted on that decree and that seals it in to blaseball like breading seals in the juices of a fried wing. So you need to give those players their wings. Let me put it a different way. Imagine there was a grocery store, but it was a fake grocery store, and you used it for a game show. And you promised the winner a funkalicious prize, right? But then for some reason you let the producers keep that prize? That’s no way to act on television! Are the games on television? Is there revenue from that? How is it being distributed? Case, could you check on the TV thing?
So what I’m saying one chef to one…weird big coin thing…and to Parker is give the people what they were promised. Um…that’s covers it I think? Go Wings! Eat the RIch!”
CHIPOTLE: So um there you have it. Oh Case told me to say, “may it please the court.” so I hope you are pleased.