Dale Turn Down Mysterious Money Laundering Offer

Leaked galley print of the first page of the Miami Herald. Embargoed, shared by an anonymous source. Transcript follows image

(Editor’s note: thanks for providing the transcript Helps a lot with accessibility!)

Certainly not Wave Larry.

BELOVED BLASEBALL TEAM MIAMI DALE TURNS DOWN LAUNDERING DEAL

By Wave Larry // Pictures by Mister Wife

The Miami Dale is a big spending team. During the off season, it can be difficult to keep up Randy Dennis’ well-known sneaker habit, the super yacht’s solar panel repairs and the absurdly expensive premium cat food everyone keeps buying for William. William’s a well-fed cat, people. Perhaps this pricey lifestyle was what attracted a mysterious “investor” to the Dale. Maybe this glamorous, glittery, semi-aquatic team seemed like the perfect patsies for a certain shady someone who signed messages sent – via Tlelegram, to Pitball himself, the high profile mascot and resident playamancer of Miami’s best blaseball players – as “PM PM”.

(Handwritten text: Ed. embargo pending trial)

Pull quote: “It’s expensive, but it’s the best, but also we’re not idiots or super corrupt.” Francisca Sasquatch

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